Among the Mud People: A Review of Riot Fest Chicago

Among the Mud People: A Review of Riot Fest Chicago

Over the weekend I traveled to Chicago with my friends Matt and Brenda in order to attended all three days of the Riot Fest music festival. The whole weekend, held in the Windy City's Humboldt Park, was a strangely segmented affair and trying to turn all of my thoughts from it into one cohesive piece seems not only painfully [...]

The Curse of Pocahonto

While we're on the subject of my sister's bizarro gifts, and since I've only recently recovered from a bit of a cold, I think it's time that I tell the tale of the Curse of Pocahonto. Like many of my strange childhood stories, this one begins on a No Moms Allowed camping trip. In this particular instance we were [...]

The Bean Lady

The Bean Lady

My sister, Michelle, and I have a long-standing tradition: whenever either of us goes on a vacation, we bring the other back the most grotesque, cringe-worthy (or at least stupid) gift that we can find. This hallowed practice actually began some fifteen years ago when, on a family vacation with our parents, Michelle and I [...]

An Eye for Trouble

An Eye for Trouble

I've mentioned before that our oldest dog, Elly, is something of a terror. She's escaped from fenced yards, run through the house with a knife in her mouth (blade-side out), and eaten enough random detritus that her accrued medical bills probably could have sent Caitlin and I on a rather enjoyable vacation. For all of that, [...]

No Moms Allowed

It started as a daddy-daughter camping trip back in 1990. My Uncle Jeff and two of his best friends - who had spent a sizable chunk of their younger years hiking and backpacking and camping - took their daughters to a campground on a small inland lake and spent a few days eating and drinking [...]

Dog Parents

Dog Parents

Caitlin and I got our first dog, Elly, almost four and a half years ago. Shortly after that - once we had gotten accustomed to the daily trauma that was being Elly's parents - we realized that we actually wanted to have two dogs. Concerns about space, apartment rentals, and money kept us from growing [...]

Congratulations and Shame

When we got engaged last year, I felt pretty good about the gesture that I made to Caitlin. I took her on a vacation, to a nice dinner, gave her a beautiful ring - the whole nine yards. Thank God that was last year. Prospective husbands, the bar has been raised. Dramatically. And I'm not [...]

Immunity

In light of some of my recent commentary, some have wondered how well my manic beast survived the Fourth of July holiday. Elly survived, of course, though she didn't seem to enjoy the process all that much. What was probably the low point of her weekend came on Saturday night when a series of explosions [...]

The Panic of July

Caitlin and I have two dogs. The younger one is named Jersey and is sweet, affectionate, and great with people and animals alike. This is Jersey: The older one is named Elly. She is terrible. Don't get me wrong, I love Elly unconditionally - I might even love that dog too much for all the [...]

The Move

Due to my inability to satisfactorily convert 19,000 words and seventy-some odd footnotes to a format that would be palatable for this site, I've elected to make my cross-country novella, The Move, available as a readable PDF here. Enjoy!