Yesterday, Vice President Mike Pence attended an NFL national anthem performance in Indianapolis. Typically, this would imply that he watched the football game that followed but in this ridiculous stupid maddening curious instance it does not. Because, as soon as the anthem – for which several visiting 49ers players kneeled – was over, Pence exited […]Read more "This Week In NFL Incompetence: Week 5 – Vice Presidential Hypocrisy"
A week after benefitting from the institutional incompetence of the Detroit Lions[note]And/or the NFL itself, depending on your zeal for conspiracy theories.[/note] the Atlanta Falcons found themselves on the other side of a victory-swinging cock-up against the Buffalo Bills on Sunday. When Bills defensive lineman Jerry Hughes tackled Matt Ryan from behind in the third […]Read more "This Week In NFL Incompetence: Week 4 – All Hail the King"
In a week where the most important NFL action was taking place on the sidelines and where seemingly every game exploded into a cacophony of madness at one point or another, the Detroit Lions elected to spend Sunday afternoon honoring their proud heritage of failure and losing in the most heartbreaking way possible. That the […]Read more "This Week In NFL Incompetence: Week 3 – Screw the Lions"
Former CBS announcer Phil Simms always seemed a little overwhelmed by the idea of talking intelligently about football games. This wouldn’t have been a problem had it not been the literal definition of his job. Instead, Simms and the countless other broadcasters and ex-players who get paid thousands of dollars to talk about the football […]Read more "This Week In NFL Incompetence: Week 2 – The Simms Is Dead, Long Live the Romo"
If you were looking for proof that the beginning of the NFL season is filled with disastrous, sloppy football then by the end of Sunday night you would’ve had a lot of material to work with: the first full day of the season included blown calls, botched punts and a handful of memorable broken plays. […]Read more "This Week In NFL Incompetence: Week 1 – Tablet Holder Guy"
After bursting on the scene with arguably the greatest debut for a rookie wide receiver in NFL history – 10 catches for 217 yards and two touchdowns against the Detroit Lions – Anquan Boldin spent the next 13 years muscling his way through NFL defenders and into the record books. The sure-handed receiver, who announced his […]Read more "Goodbye, Anquan Boldin"
If you score more points than your opponent, you win. That’s how fantasy football works.[note]Unless you play in some bizarro-world league, I guess.[/note] The simplicity of that binary outcome hasn’t exactly made assembling your fantasy team a simple process – for the love of God, look at all these draft strategy guides – but it […]Read more "Introducing PPGAR, Your New Favorite Fantasy Stat"
For roughly a third of its 28 mile run, the I-696 expressway is cut down into the earth, its concrete walls slicing through the moraines that decorate southeastern Michigan. Driving along the highway, with those walls rising up on either side of the you, there is a strange feeling that traffic isn’t driving down a […]Read more "Until You Forget"
A decade ago I sat in a collegiate music composition class and listened to a professor explain how, in order to write a truly great song, it was necessary to hone an idea over and over, fully exploring it and discovering the best way to implement it. Young people, he posited, struggled with this because […]Read more "Writing Young"
When I was a kid, my best friend lived down the street. Ours was that kind of inseparable childhood friendship where we hung out pretty much every day, no matter what. We played with Legos and video games and on the same hockey team. We knew each other’s immediate and extended families almost as well […]Read more "You, Me and DuPree"